Acting Out at Work

When children misbehave at school, teachers sometimes kindly tell the parents that they’ve been “acting out” in the classroom. This phrase may refer to a child’s ignoring or arguing with the teacher, not sharing with another student, being uncooperative with classmates, or having a temper tantrum during class. While unpleasant, these are not unexpected behaviors – after all, they’re children.
But what happens when people “act out” at work? Such actions can look quite similar to those of a child: over sensitivity, inconsideration of others, withdrawal, failure to listen, irritability, impatience, or negativity. Do any of these sound familiar?

The Birkman Assessment has a wonderful explanation of and approach to such behaviors. According to the Birkman, people generally behave in these unconstructive ways when their needs are not being met. These negative actions are called “stress behaviors” because the people exhibiting them are truly feeling stressed. Since we don’t know what other people’s needs are unless they tell us, we usually have no idea their needs are being neglected. We tend to get frustrated with their acting out when, in reality, the Birkman would tell us it’s not their fault. Sometimes the people themselves don’t know what their needs truly are.

This was a profound explanation for me when I first heard it. I found it beneficial on two levels. First, it helped me be more compassionate and supportive of my co-workers when they were experiencing stress. Rather than take their actions personally, I reminded myself that they had a need (not a desire, but a need) that was not being met. Depending on the situation, I might be able to assist the individual in meeting that need and alleviating the stress. Second, it enabled me to recognize some of my own stress behaviors. This forced me to examine my needs, some of which had not been apparent to me. It was then up to me to ensure that my needs were met, as that was the only way to permanently eliminate my unconstructive actions.

I hope this helps you the next time you or someone you encounter at work is exhibiting stress behaviors. For more on the Birkman, click here.